


Mojo presents: The SteveTony Dating Game

by Cathalinaheart



Category: Iron Man: Armored Adventures, Marvel Noir, Marvel Secret Wars Battleworlds, Marvel What If? (Comics), Planet Hulk (2015)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Iron Man Noir - Freeform, Issue #113, M/M, Multiverse Shenanigans, Planet Hulk, Screenplay/Script Format, What if? Vol. 2 (1989), dating game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:41:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinaheart
Summary: Welcome to tonight's episode of the SteveTony Dating Game!Steve Rogers of Killiseum fame will have to choose blind between three Tony Starks, only by their answers to his questions. Who is the lucky one that will get to go on a date with him?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 48





	Mojo presents: The SteveTony Dating Game

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mizzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mizzy/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Addy!!  
> I hope you enjoy this silly fic I wrote for you.
> 
> Thank you to sparkle, imp and wynne for the brainstorming help, and especially thank you to sparkle and fundamentalblue for beta reading.

[Upbeat Music]

MODERATOR:

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the SteveTony Dating Game! My name is Brel Ciqren, and I’m your host for the evening.

We all know that in the Multiverse there are couples that are destined to be, like Nutella and breakfast or peanut butter and jelly. Steve Rogers and Tony Stark are one such couple. That’s why the Dating Game is here to help bring together versions of them from universes where they don’t have the other!

Tonight we will help Steve Rogers, the star of the Killiseum, the slaughterer of the Red King, find a suitable match.

So let’s meet tonight's three eligible bachelors:

Bachelor Number one is a master of the mystic arts, the armored defender, the sorcerer supreme, please give a warm welcome to Anthony Stark of Earth 9810!

Next up, he is a renowned adventurer, pilot of the Iron Man Armor, star of Marvels: A Magazine Of Men's Adventure, here’s Anthony Stark of Earth 90214!

And finally, bachelor number three is the CEO of Stark International, a genius inventor and college student, please say hello to Anthony Stark of Earth 904913! Who...isn’t here yet. Where is he?

IMAA!TONY:    
(out of breath). Sorry, got caught up with something… Don’t look at me like that, so I’m a few minutes late, what, you going to call me out? 

MODERATOR:   
Moving on.

Now, to prevent our candidate from learning anything, we kept him off stage in an isolated room until now.

Please welcome the Captain, Steve Rogers!

Hello Steve!

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Hello, Brel.

MODERATOR:   
Are you excited to meet the Tonys?

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Very. I hope that Devil will like whoever I chose.

MODERATOR:   
Devil as in your loyal T.Rex?

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Yes, that’s the one. We’re warbound so his opinion is important to me.

MODERATOR:   
Well, then I don’t want to keep you waiting.

Let me start by giving everyone a quick reminder about how this works: 

You will ask the gentlemen behind the divider questions, and when the time is up you will decide which one you want to go out with. That’s all there is to it. Simple, right?

Let’s start by having the bachelors say hello to you.

Bachelor number one?

SORCERER!TONY:   
Hello, handsome.

MODERATOR:   
Bachelor number two.

NOIR!TONY:   
Good evening.

MODERATOR:   
And number three.

IMAA!TONY:   
Hi, how are you?

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Hello, gentlemen.

MODERATOR:   
Alright, do you have the questions ready? 

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Yes.

MODERATOR:   
Then take a seat, and have some fun. And gentlemen, good luck.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Okay, so Bachelor number one, please describe your ideal animal companion to me.

SORCERER!TONY:   
Ah, I don’t really have time for an animal companion, and I find my tech integrated with magic to be the most reliable, so I’d say a robotic enchanted cat.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Interesting. Number 2? How about you?

NOIR!TONY:   
I travel a lot, have a lot of adventures, an animal companion would need to be able to keep up with that. Be able to fight if necessary...You know what would be amazing? A dinosaur. 

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Oh, yes. And number three?

IMAA!TONY:   
Hmm, I guess a dog? They are pretty loyal and smart.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Alright, thank you. Bachelor number three, in a gladiator fight, what would be your weapon of choice?

IMAA!TONY:   
Oh, that is easy. My Iron Armor. I designed this really cool modular hard light weapon that can change into any shape. With that, I can adapt to whatever my opponent throws at me. Plus I have access to all the usual armor things.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
That sounds very practical. How about you, bachelor number one? What would your weapon of choice be?

SORCERER!TONY:   
My biggest strengths are the mystic arts and my notable genius mind, so I too would have to go with my armor, only mine is enchanted and thus much more versatile.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
That’s...nice. And number two?

NOIR!TONY:   
I’m afraid my armor isn’t as sophisticated as the other two, by the way, I would love to talk about the armor with you guys later, so I think I will choose a net and a trident.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Good choice. I’d be interested to hear about your best friend. What are they like, number two?

NOIR!TONY:   
Oh, Rhodey is incredible. He’s been traveling with me to the wildest places for over a decade. You couldn’t wish for a better person to have by your side when things go south. He’s the best.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
He sounds like a great guy. Number three, can you also tell me about your best friend?

IMAA!TONY:   
Yeah, Rhodey is the best. He doesn’t give up on me when I’m being stupid. Always there to support you, but he isn’t afraid to call you out on your bullshit either.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Ah, yeah, the job of a best friend. Alright. Bachelor number one, what is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?

SORCERER!TONY:   
Aaah, uhm, I guess that would be the time Strange walked in on me when...well, there were some tentacles. Let’s leave it at that.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Tentacles, huh? Number two, what about you?

NOIR!TONY:   
Oh, let me think...There was this one time I spent months trying to figure out the purpose of an ancient artifact only to find out it was… well, a dildo. Rhodey spent days laughing at me.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Sounds like a lot of days of hard work went into finding that out. Bachelor number one, I’m curious, what would kind of date would you take me on?

SORCERER!TONY:   
I could take you wherever you want, even a different plane of existence. I could  _ create _ a plane of existence just for you. Whatever you want, I will be able to give you.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
That...is nice. Number two?

NOIR!TONY:   
I have been traveling through the domains and there are so many amazing places I would love to take you! Egyptia, or Bar Sinister, or… well, really, anywhere. A trip exploring some ruins or having an adventure just makes for a great date in my opinion.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
An adventure sounds like a great date, I agree. Okay, so, next I would love to know what is the best piece of life advice you can give, bachelor number two?

NOIR!TONY:   
Live life when you can, don’t take happiness for granted.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
That’s good advice. How about you, number three?

IMAA!TONY:   
Trust your friends and let them support you.

[Sound of bells]

MODERATOR:   
That’s it. That’s all the time you have, Steve. You know have 60 seconds to make up your mind, which gentleman you will go on a date with. In the meantime, we will go to a quick commercial break.

[Upbeat Music]

MODERATOR:   
Welcome back! Steve, it is now time for you to make your decision. Which lovely gentleman will it be?

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
I have decided on bachelor number two.

MODERATOR:   
Amazing. Alright, before you meet him, I want to introduce you to the other gentleman, who also played a fine game with you tonight. Bachelor number one is the sorcerer supreme of his earth, please come join us!

SORCERER!TONY:   
Hello, lovely to meet you.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Hello.

MODERATOR:   
Joining us next is bachelor number three, genius inventor and CEO of Stark International!

IMAA!TONY:   
Hi. It seems like we weren’t meant to be. Maybe next time.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
You played a good game.

MODERATOR:   
And now, it is finally time for you to meet your date, bachelor number three, adventurer and star of Marvels Magazine. Please give a round of applause for the winner, Anthony Stark!

NOIR!TONY:   
Hello, sugar. Please, call me Tony.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Hello, Tony. Nice to get to see your face.

NOIR!TONY:   
I hope it doesn’t disappoint.

GLADIATOR!STEVE:   
Not at all.

MODERATOR:   
Alright, people, you will have enough time to flirt with each other on your date, which is sponsored by the God Emperor himself. You’ll get to enjoy a lovely evening together seeing a broadway show in the Kingdom of Manhattan with a five-course dinner afterward.

That’s it for tonight and I hope you turn in next time for the SteveTony Dating Game.

Good night!

[Upbeat Music]

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Mojo presents: The SteveTony Dating Game](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25448860) by [betheflame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/betheflame/pseuds/betheflame), [BladeoftheNebula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladeoftheNebula/pseuds/BladeoftheNebula), [Cathalinareads (Cathalinaheart)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathalinaheart/pseuds/Cathalinareads), [KotaRiverRoad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KotaRiverRoad/pseuds/KotaRiverRoad), [Leshaya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leshaya/pseuds/Leshaya)
  * [a second chance at goodbye](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29258841) by [starksnack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starksnack/pseuds/starksnack)




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